S06E08: The Alamo

Remember The Alamo (...sorry; we had to) -- 2004's "featureless sphere of re-consideration" of one of the country's most notorious battles starring Dennis Quaid as Sam Houston? If you do, our condolences, although despite a bloated runtime, racist music cues, a script that makes the dad from The Conjuring recycle cannonballs, and a misapprehension of what's actually still interesting about this chapter of history, we didn't end up with a super-low overall rating. DQ, however, doesn't seem to know how to play this particular C-plus person, and his reverting to Sling Blade voice in scenes with Billy Bob Thornton is a choice that doesn't work out for him. Slap on some $100 million sideburns, grab a copyright-compliant cutlass, and jump in a hole: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5.5
QQQ score: 3.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14

SHOW NOTES

• Follow us on Twitter
• Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
• Ebert's review
• Desson Thomson's for WaPo
• David Edelstein's for Slate
• Elvis Mitchell's for NYT
• Phil Collins's Alamo-iana